There’s a dance that Steve and I loved. You could say it was our “go to” dance. The choreography was set as a duet for our first twenty years together. It was gentle, playful, yet purposeful–even passionate at times–usually working well together, moving in sync. (Except when we weren’t, and toes got stepped on, the delicate “leader”/”follower” balance grinding to a halt, while grace seemed to take a holiday!) But on most days if you were to look into our home during those first two decades you would see a smooth waltz–or maybe even a lively polka.
Then our longed-for baby girl entered the dance. We would have been wise to bring in a choreographer at that point, to prepare us for the overwhelming energy and tempo shift of parenthood. But we adjusted and became so quickly enthralled with the sweet “we” of us that we dipped and spun and whirled in our circle dance–drunk with love for our baby and our new trio.
Fast forward more than a decade of family life. Over the past few years, we had been living with an active teenager. So Steve and I had been trying to learn an updated duet, balanced with plenty of solo time and less of our beloved, familiar trio.
Meanwhile, I think Ellie had been relieved to have more and more light, lithe peers to connect with. Most of her heart naturally wanted to move in those circles.
Then August 2nd happened. Much of these past five months haven’t looked like any dance I’ve ever seen (with the exception of some of those experimental pieces, full of chaos and confusion). It has felt like we can’t possibly start moving in earnest, because we are missing our third dancer. So much of life is clumsy, out of rhythm, out of balance without him.
And yet…and yet…we have begun. It definitely feels like a rough sketch, a work in progress. But it does have some of my favorite elements from our dances over the years. Yes, it bows and dips with the weight of life–as it must. But it also rises, spins, and even skips at times with a funny joke told, a good moment shared, a positive “Dad” memory recalled.
They say “The only constant in life is change”. So for now, we will just keep right on dancing–learning these new steps and savoring those moments of grace when we are blessed with them.
I wish the same for you, wherever you are in this ever-changing dance.
Grateful for all of your support along the way…